By James Wilson
Famed
pitcher and San Francisco Giants manager Roger Craig tells how his father did
authentic parenting. The dad left for
work one summer’s day after instructing 12-year-old Roger to clean the garage
before fishing or swimming. Roger
procrastinated until his father’s return was imminent, realized he had neither
done his assigned task nor had any fun, and leapt to give that garage a lick
and a promise before disaster struck. He
knew his dad always headed straight for the house on arrival, and he hoped for
luck. But Dad made straight for the
garage, took a good look, and emerged into the driveway coatless and in the
process of rolling up his sleeves. He
said, “Son, I am going to teach you how to clean a garage.” Roger saw a trip to the woodshed in his
immediate future.
That’s
not what happened. Instead, the elder
Craig spent two hours cleaning the garage while Roger watched. As he headed for the house and a very late
dinner he said, “Don’t ever betray my trust again.” The son never did.
Craig
was perceptive enough to have seen the gift of leadership in his son and to
mentor leadership by example. But
leadership’s other side is rebellion. Dad
was wise enough to understand that the best way – the Godly way – to discipline
is by playing to our kids’ strengths instead of trying to break them of the
dark side of those strengths. I don’t say
the rod has no place, but I do say discipline – as opposed to punishment – is a
gift we can give our children.
The
Fifth Commandment – honoring fathers and mothers – is the first to include a
promise – long life and prosperity.
(Some say the Third Commandment has a promise – the one about honoring
Father God by not misusing His Name.) But
the fifth is about respecting the primary responsibility of parents to teach
and impart relationship to God, including drawing forth the special gifting God
places in each of His kids. The
injunction to respect parents is inseparable from the parents’ calling to teach
and impart – it actually transcends obedience to the persons themselves when
they fail or resist their role. Our job
is always to become the particular persons God created. We are given parents to help us, but children
are called to become people of God in spite of – even in opposition to – their particular parents if that becomes
necessary in order to walk with God. In
other words, the onus is on us more than on our children.
God
ends the Old Testament declaring He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the
children and the children’s hearts to the fathers. Yet in Luke 1 He prophesies the coming
Messianic age of deliverance and resurrection to full humanity in the midst of
unprecedented signs and wonders. In that context He will turn the hearts of the
fathers to the children regardless of the response. That is how seriously God takes parenting.
So
what is the purpose of authentic parenting?
The
ancient covenant accepted by Christian parents baptizing their children expects
them to raise children so they strive for justice and peace, and serve all
persons in a love that transcends love of self.
They commit to raising children who speak openly of the source of their
humanity in God, who see their humanity as a work in progress requiring
periodic re-focus – and occasional course corrections – toward God in Christ,
and continual submission to God through His Holy Spirit in terms of what He has
revealed through Word, Tradition, and Encounter. They are expected to understand that keeping
these commitments is their purpose as parents.
There
is plenty of room for debate as to how best to implement these principles, and
plenty of hot air expelled between the denominations on the subject. There are those who object to naming God as
essential to the process, and they too are entitled to their perspective. (I would love to hear how it works out to
divorce the Creator of humanity from the process of becoming human.) Others would wonder how food, shelter, and a
loving family in which to grow into their full and unique potential got left
out – but these things are pre-supposed in the covenant unless anyone thinks
children reach their full humanity without them.
The
bottom line is that we are called as parents to raise our children for their
benefit, not ours, and that old covenant provides an awfully good blueprint. It provides an amazingly good blueprint for
us parents to live out our humanity into the bargain.
Maybe
Somebody planned it that way.
James A. Wilson is the author of Living
As Ambassadors of Relationships and The
Holy Spirit and the End Times – available at local bookstores or by
e-mailing him at
praynorthstate@charter.net
No comments:
Post a Comment